See how Ms. Crystal critiques a pitch
A fictional MakeAPoint pitch to seed-stage VCs — and what Crystal does with it.
Good morning everyone. Thank you for taking the time to meet with us today. I'm here to talk about how we're solving one of the biggest challenges in B2B sales: getting honest, actionable feedback on your pitch before the meeting that actually matters. The problem is simple. Sales reps practice their pitches, maybe run them by a colleague, but they never get the kind of detailed, structured feedback that would actually help them improve. By the time they're in front of the prospect, it's too late to fix the issues. Our solution is MakeAPoint — an AI-powered feedback tool that analyzes your presentation transcript and gives you specific, actionable suggestions. Think of it as having a world-class sales coach available 24/7. Here's how it works: you paste your transcript, tell us who your audience is and what you're trying to achieve, and within seconds you get detailed feedback on your structure, clarity, persuasion techniques, and areas for improvement. We've tested this with 50 sales teams so far, and the results have been remarkable. Teams using MakeAPoint have seen a 23% improvement in their meeting-to-close rates. We're raising a seed round to expand our team and accelerate product development. We're looking for $2 million at a $10 million pre-money valuation. I'd love to show you a quick demo and then answer any questions you have. Does that work for everyone?
Ms. Crystal (Clear)This feedback is AI-generated by Ms. Crystal (Clear). Review carefully before acting on it.
You've got a real product and a real number. Now lose half the words and lead with the prize.
The 23% lift is the only line that earns its keep — lead with it.
- Why does a partner sitting on dry powder care about "honest, actionable feedback"?
- Move the number to sentence one — three competitors could open with this same paragraph.
- Tell them what only you can say, in the audience's language: dollars, deal velocity, ARR.
| Word / phrase | Feedback (10 words max) |
|---|---|
| 🟢 23% | A real number. This is your hook — lead with it. |
| 🟢 cut | Strong gesturable verb. Use this energy more. |
| 🟢 close | Concrete and ownable. Investors lean in. |
| 🟡 actionable | Buzzword. What action, exactly? Specify. |
| 🟡 remarkable | Tell me, don't sell me. Numbers speak louder. |
| 🟡 areas for improvement | HR-speak. What does it actually fix? Name it. |
| 🔴 leverages | Weak verb. Cut it. Could 'turns' work here? |
| 🔴 world-class | Empty claim. Every pitch says this. Drop it. |
| 🔴 honest, actionable feedback | Generic. A competitor could open with this line. |
| 🔴 detailed, structured | Two adjectives, zero meaning. Pick one or cut both. |
| 🔴 simple | Vague. Simple how? Quantify or specify. |
Sales reps lose deals on rehearsed pitches.
MakeAPoint catches the weak lines before the meeting.
Teams using us close 23% more.
We're raising $2M to scale to 500 teams.
Why this works: Four sentences, all under 8 words. Strong verbs — lose, catches, close, scale. The 23% lands where it should. Your homework: say this out loud three times. Then take it into the world.
Free. Takes about 30 seconds.